Do you know Pete Fromm ?

American author, his specialty was (until lately) short stories, in the form of internal monologues.
Thanks to his sense of psychological truth, with mastering of spoken language - each time very specific to a character - some used to call him the Tchekhov of the great plains... what a compliment, isn't it ?
I notably remember about one os such short stories, called "Breathing on the third stroke". It had to deal with a man, in the middle of his weekly training at the city's swimming pool, reflecting on his life, ah husband, father and everything...
Deeply moving.

Quite obviously, this is a strong and deep influence over the project A Kurt To Be, as this short in indeed deeply rooted (for once) in its text 
Then came a voice, to give it personality, then a music (actually two) and finally images as a short movie, in order to provide more accessibility to an audience.

The aim of this text was to evoke the end of the teen age. But when does that happen, really ? Clearly not at 18 ! Isn't it a classic to state that all of them, rockstars, are somewhat late teenagers ?

In my humble opinion, the end of the teenage would be closer to that time, when one finally recognize all of those dreams and angers for they are : dreams and angers.
Nothing more, but nothing less.

It's not my point to downsize their importance : as said Jacques Brel, one dreams of one's far west, before the age of 15, and then passes his whole life to make it happen.
Yet, its form would not exactly look alike one's initial projections. For instance, one might finally understand that this very dream of cowboys might be actually linked to the urge for freedom and refusal of social conformity.

To get back to this very project, I once read a Cobain's interview, where he'd been asked : what if you weren't into the rock music ? He'd state, half joking : "I'd probably would have worked in a garage, on fucking cars."

But how many potential "Kurt Cobains" have finally worked on cars, instead of transforming their inner potentials ? Probably thousands...

In a very similar manner, in the movie "Juno", the husband produces music for the TV industry (for commercials, really). In a clash with his spouse, she tells him bluntly : "wake up, you'll never be Kurt Cobain !"
What a line ! And what a blow... It's like a personal myth and project that fall appart. For the character in the movie, this moment truly acts as the end of his teens... 

I used all of these impressions, to build up this little tale, which isn't too terrible, it seems... as it talks to quite a few of us (as far as I could see). Our old dreams of rock n'roll do haunt us for quite a time...

Just for fun, I've put a number of references to Nirvana's songs (and a few others from that period of the 90s), which fans might recognize...

Finally, we visit (in a very light way) ideas about society, its rejection, the punk movement (and most notably, just for fun, those gutter punks begging with their dogs) or paradoxal relationships between the rockers and money - most notably with the gear syndrome effect.

Generally speaking, while accepting that the perception of this project might be quite different from one individual to the other, this text is thought as a dark comedy (pretty dark, really), in which life makes fun of the main character.

What do you think about it ?

I’m a… « Kurt », a… « Kurt Cobain », who never made it

Goin’ about forty, working on fuckin’ cars, playing the guitar – sometimes… 

I mean, he could do anything, he was free, somewhat, to choose what to do next… and he rather blew his brains out !. While I… I mean, we all are, just kind’a stuck. Ironic !

I never wanted to be, you know, a Rockstar, or… anything – I mean, living on fuckin royalties ?

I’m a punk ! But, you know, sometimes, I just feel like… drained out. 

To be punk… Sounds funny, right ? Or… dumb ?  

So what ? Should I be out there, sittin’ at the entrance of a fucking wallmart, or something ? Begging with my fuckin dog for a buck ?… Shit, is that being punk ? 

But, you know, not carin’ about nothing, feeling free of any judgement from the world around, just being able to say fuck it all ! That’s, you know, the teen spirit, right !?  That’s the fucking freedom ! 

And instead, I’m right there – working on motors and wheels , so that people could just fuck around, spending on their empty little lives…  

Music ?

Yeah… That’s the only thing that still turns me fuckin on.

But, then again, even that is just, you know, kind’a spoiled by money… I mean : how could you even think about playin’ or recordin’, without any fuckin gear ?

That’s it : if I was a real fuckin punk, I wouldn’t even care about recording on a messy tape, with fuzz and everything. Must have become a hipster or something, for I also want it to sound good…

Pop music, huh, « pop-ular »,  hits – those are fuckin dreams, sure far from Punk.

Ideology, right ?  

Punker than punk… 

Truth is that I’m just gettin old – yeah – it’s hard to keep on goin’ with one’s younger fuckin way ! Ah, nevermind ! After all, maybe, I (too) should have blown my fuckin brains out… Mmh ?

crédit photo ci-dessus : Neil Wallace